This Blog Sucks

This blog totally sucks. No, seriously. I'm not just saying that. I haven't posted anything since November. NOVEMBER! It's freaking March. And I honestly have no idea when I will be posting again. I would like to say tomorrow, but I think we all know that is a lie. I'm a hot mess! Is that still a phrase? Are people still saying that? Well, even if they're not, I am.
I think I told you all about my new job. Teaching preschool. I LOVE IT! I actually teach the 3-4 year old class and they are seriously the most fun age group, EVER. They think everything is awesome! One little girl in one of my classes says "That is AMAZING!" about literally everything.
Despite being absolutely thrilled with my new job, Depression decided to rear its ugly head again and try to destroy my life. But no, no. Not this time, I got my butt back in to the Dr and got some drugs. He gave me Citalopram (aka Celexa) because I had done so well on Lexapro before (except for the fatigue and what I like to call scatter-brainedness). It worked, it really helped my anxiety and depression. So I got all confident and decided to enroll myself in college. Yay! Except my ADHD was out of control. I was feeling like an absolute moron. I couldn't keep track of anything, not thoughts, dats, appointments, bills, objects. So back to the Dr. I go... He says, yep your ADHD is making you nuts, we're sending you to a shrink. Yay! Officially a nut case. Ha. Just kidding. Don't get your panties in a bunch, I'm not trying to offend anybody. Humor is my coping mechanism. So shrink says, "you can't take citalopram with ADHD." It totally exaggerates your symptoms. What?! I thought that was all in my head. Like maybe I just notice I'm crazier since I feel better. Nope. So he gives me Welbutrin XL. It's supposed to help with the depression/anxiety, the ADHD, and binge eating. YAY! I'm super excited about this...
for about 5 minutes. As soon as I got completely off the Citalopram, I was a weepy mess. The Welbutrin XL was no friend to me. I was crying everyday, eating more sugar than ever, ADHD was back to normal. The only plus was I actually slept 7 hours a night, for the first time in 10 years. I was pretty much at my lowest. Of course I had a follow up visit to see how it worked. A follow up appointment with a girl I graduated high school with. A beautiful, honor roll, academically excellent, cheerleader girl I graduated high school with. Ugh. It's been a long time, we never really knew each other then, I'll just act like I don't know her. Right?
Wrong. I'm sitting in the office last Friday, a complete and total mess. In walks cheerleader girl, looking exactly like she did 13 years ago. She probably still fits in her cheerleader outfit. And here I am with my blotchy red face from crying and extra 60 pounds I've accumulated since 2002. And she says "Hi! How are you? What's it been, 10 years? Maybe more?"
Ummm. Just shoot me now please... Not a kill shot, maybe in the foot or something, just to get me out of that office. Anyway, she switched my medication to Brintellix. We'll see how it goes. Maybe I will get back on here and update you. Don't hold your breath.
I also started another job on Monday. It's at the high school that I went to, in the special education department. So I leave my preschoolers and head to high school. But that is a story for another day.
Happy reading! Thanks for stopping by.

Minus 1! Oh Yea Baby!

     This is an update on Monkey. He is doing FANTABULOUS! The medicine Vyvanse is really working wonders in him. I told you all about the first day that he went to school on it. Well, we've gone a little over a week and I got a detailed report like that every day after school. (Aw, tears of joy!) And now I have even more good news to report. Yesterday he brought home some math tests and quizzes from last week. Two tests had minus 1 on each of them and minus 0 on the quizzes. And on both tests the part that he got wrong was showing the work. He got the answer right on both tests and made the exact same mistake in writing the equation. How cool is that?! Before he averaged about 40-60% on his math tests. Because he just didn't pay attention the whole problems. And now look at my baby go! He even moved up 2 levels in his rocket math (40problems-1minute). I mean don't get me wrong, I don't believe that this is some miracle drug and poof he's all better. No. Other things are showing up more, which we expected. But right now I'm choosing to focus on all the POSITIVE things that are happening.

Thanks for stopping by and come back soon.
~Ms.Random

HE KNEW!

     So I told you all about Monkey being diagnosed with ADD. Well, its actually called ADHD, primarily inattentive. Blah, blah. I think you all know what I mean when I say ADD. Anyway, we decided to medicate him. He is taking Vyvanse. Today is only his 4th day but I just have to let you know what happened yesterday...
     Everyday after school, for almost 4 years, I've asked him the same 2 questions. How was your day? What did you do today? And everyday He gives me the same answers, good and I don't know. But not yesterday. Yesterday's conversation went like this:

Me: Hey Bub, how was your day?

Monkey: Good.

Me: Oh yea. What did you do today?

Monkey: I don't kn... No wait. We went to recess. And had lunch. And I had P.E. today.

     It may not seem like much to most people but those few extra sentences meant the world to me. He even started to say I don't know (probably out of habit). But then he corrected himself because he did know. HE KNEW! He knew exactly what specials he had and how his day went. And it did not go by in a blur of activities that his short term memory couldn't process. Thank you GOD, for all the small things!

Thanks for stopping by and come back soon.
~Ms.Random

My Monkey and ADD

     I need to get serious for a little bit here. My handsome little Monkey has just been diagnosed with ADD (attention deficit disorder). And while I've always kind of known that he had this disorder, I'm still a little freaked out that he really does. I had asked all of his teachers up until now what they thought and none thought that he did. But that was preschool and kindergarten so he never really had to have much of an attention span until this year. And this year, with new expectations an homework, this disorder has really shown through. His schoolwork is really suffering. And so is his confidence. So I sucked it up and told the doctor that while every body else disagreed with me, I still thought that he had ADD. I think that everyone else was a little confused because he doesn't bounce off the walls like most ADHD kids. But low and behold when Hubby and I and Monkey's teacher did our surveys, they all basically looked the same. So now we know... What's next?

This is my Monkey ;-)

Its actually a picture from Attentionsdeficitdisorder.com 

     Well for us, it's medication. Our doctor prescribed Vyvanse. He said it's in the same category as Adderall. I'm really nervous about it but I'm also very excited to see how my baby will grow once he gets a chance to blossom. Our doctor also said that Monkey has Autistic tendencies. So when we treat the ADD the Autism will be come more prevalent or not and we will be able to find out if he does have Autism or not. We always knew he was special. Now we know he's just Super Special. Either way we are super blessed, because clearly he's highly functioning.

     Now for the pity party part. I like to be very open and honest so I'd be lying if I said that I'm ok with all of this. I know that it could be much worse. And while I am beyond grateful that it isn't, I can't help but wish that it just wasn't at all. I know it's so selfish but dammit, why? Why my baby? Why couldn't it be me? Or better yet, somebody that I don't know? That way I could just live in my bubble and feel sorry for other people. My boy is so timid and loving a sweet, so why him? I just worry what growing up is going to be like? I just want to him to have a life that he loves. To not have to struggle in school. To grow up and get married and maybe have babies. Work a regular job or go to college. Whatever he wants. Just not be trapped in some mental disorder where he's just almost able to do everything normally. I want him to go on dates and have at least one good lifelong friend. There are so many things I want for both of my babies and mental illness does not make the cut. Like I said, I know that I'm being selfish. I have a friend whose Autistic son is 13, completely nonverbal, very aggressive and combative, and I'm sure she would give anything for him to be half as functioning as my son. And I am so beyond grateful that if my son has to have any mental illness that this is as bad as it is but I just don't want him to have to have any at all. So yes, I'm a selfish bitch, but it is what it is. OK. Pity party over.

     I seriously crave advice and information, so anything that anyone would be willing to share with me about ADD or Vyvance, would be greatly appreciated. Thanks for stopping by and please come back soon.
~Ms.Random